In “The Ache of Solitude”, Canadian poet Cathy Xinman explores the fragile border between connection and isolation. Solitude is not emptiness or crisis here, but a subtle, persistent ache born of longing, distance, and the quiet struggle to remain human in a world of ceaseless signals and networks. Through images of fire rising through cracks, water sustaining life, and clouds drifting like wandering hearts, the poem reveals that some distances can never be closed—but in that distance, longing becomes pure, and humanity endures.
The Ache of Solitude
By Cathy Xinman
Where connection begins
is where solitude waits, expectant.
A connection unmet—
its sweetness ends as soon as it begins.
Electrons, networks, signals never tire;
this is our age,
the background of our brief encounter.
If you crave—fall into craving connection—
distance that widens will never exist.
If you stand too close to hunger, you are already far.
If you stand too close to yourself,
you are far as well.
If there is a chance to fast,
lie down with an empty stomach.
Sleep, rise, eat only brunch,
wait until the next morning.
Eat again—let a new burning begin.
Hunger and satiety shape their exploration:
not too far from food,
not too close.
Thus I conquered desire—
no longer loved to death by it.
I loved myself instead;
longing became unfamiliar.
Days without food
are the beginning of the heart.
Like pain lifting a flame
through the seams of a tree.
I am close to starvation;
I shall live on water.
Water and fire say nothing,
seen only in the hour of clouds.
If you look up,
you would know my drifting heart
still drifts.
Like my words—
drawing the heartbeat near,
the lived nearness of distance,
the innocence of time.
I will always cling
to that remote distance.
Distance drifting farther,
you will drift farther still.
Fasting and drinking become simple.
Among the crowd, if loneliness finds you,
it is the fire of longing
enduring quietly in the heart.
To live, to love—
neither can abandon what is human.
Cathy Xinman writes poetry in English and Chinese. Find her English-language collection, Where You Love Yourself, on Amazon. You can also hear her poetry on her TikTok page. Learn more about the communities that make up Canada on the Toronto Spark website. The Toronto Spark is on Bluesky @torontospark.bsky.social.
